


Freckles

by Mosspool13



Category: Critical Role (Web Series)
Genre: Denial of Feelings, F/F, Pining
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-10
Updated: 2019-05-10
Packaged: 2020-02-28 17:12:51
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,006
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18760834
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Mosspool13/pseuds/Mosspool13
Summary: Beau has a thing for Jester's freckles





	Freckles

**Author's Note:**

> There is mention of Beau/Other(s) in this fic (because Beau likes to run from her feelings) but nothing explicit

It starts innocuously enough. They're in battle, and the swell of adrenaline is in every one of Beau's punches. She breaks a old man's nose, the crone coughing up blood and bristling at her. Beau bares her teeth back. They tussle, but then Yasha cuts the guy's arm off and he's howling, and Beau knocks him out for good after that.

When she turns, the battle's pretty much over. The assassins they'd been ambushed by are lying strewn across the floor, dead or knocked out. Who knows what grievances they had against the Nein, Beau doesn't care so long as they're dead and dealt with. Well, she does care, ultimately, so that she can find who did it and punch them in the throat, but that's the next step. For now, she wanders over to Caduceus, who is healing a bruise on Jester's face.

Jester perks up when Beau approaches. "You looked really cool, Beau!" She applauds, grinning and turning Beau's way, and Beau's eyes trail to the bruise on her cheek. It's dark and purpling, turning the color of Jester's skin a bit of a stranger blue than normal, but Beau's eyes track the trail of freckles across Jester's cheek, dark and soft, and Beau has the inexplicable urge to press her thumb to her cheek and swipe, as if she can banish it with her touch. It's a strange thought, especially because Beau knows for shit sure that she has no sort of magic abilities, not like Caduceus, or Jester or Caleb or Fjord or Nott or even Yasha. She's the human who uses her fists to fight, not magic, and sometimes it bothers her, but most of the time she knows she can kick serious ass.

"You okay, Jessie?" Beau asks, eyeing Jester's face and Jester grins and nods, showing off her biceps proudly.

"I'm super strong, Beau. Didn't you know?"

Caduceus presses his furry hand to Jester's cheek, obscuring her freckles and Beau feels a strange wistfulness in her chest, He hums and then pulls back, and the bruise has diminished significantly, turning to moss and mold and then sliding off. Beau winces at the sight until Jester is clean and free and then she grins. "Never gets old, watching that shit, Duece."

Caduceus smiles languidly at her. "Hmm? Yes, I think."

Beau snorts at him, just as Nott runs up with Caleb and Fjord and Yasha quietly from behind. They look more or less okay, a few bits of blood and bruises but otherwise, they successfully outwitted those damn assassins or whatever they were. Beau meets Caleb's eye and nods at him. "Let's find who these shitty people work for." And they get to work.

***

When Jester gets into bed with her that night, her cheeks are rosy, no longer covered by bruise or blood, the dark freckles standing out like little stars on her face and Beau wants to press a kiss to each one.

It's a sudden thought, startling with its intensity, and Beau is thrown for a loop that has her staring dumbfounded at the ceiling. Jester leans over her, her eyes dancing. "You okay, Beau?"

"Yeah," Beau says gruffly. She opens her hand, "give me that new novel you've been reading."

Jester hands her the novel, a classic romance with a half-naked human woman and bare-chested drow on the cover, and snuggles in under Beau's arm, slotting her face so she can lean on Beau's shoulder, pressing in close and Beau can just catch a glimpse of a dark smatter of specks on the upper curve of her cheek. She forces her eyes away and begins to read aloud, embellishing the cruder parts just to hear Jester gasp and giggle, and doesn't even notice when she tucks her face in close to Jester as she does--like she's whispering into Jester's ear all the sweet-nothings that the drow male (aptly named Lucius) wants to do to sweet, innocent Evangeline (the woman on the cover).

Trashy romance aside, Beau is captivated, and Jester is too.

If she imagines herself saying these things to Jester, pressing Jester into the covers of their bed and pressing her lips to each, innocent freckle on Jester's adorable face, well... it's not hurting anyone if it's all in Beau's head.

***

The next chance she gets, she finds the nearest interested barmaid and takes them to bed. The woman is pretty, with long brown hair and dusky skin, equal to Beau's own. They kiss like they can't get enough of each other, and its good, it _is_ , Beau tells herself, even when she leaves before the end of the night, feeling like something's missing.

Jester pokes her head into their room, after a while of Beau lying in their bed, staring at the ceiling with a frown on her face. "Are you all finished, Beau???" She laughs, waggling her eyebrows suggestively.

Beau glances at her, frustrated when her eyes immediately catch on Jester's cheeks and bright eyes. "Yeah. You can come in."

Jester does, hopping onto the bed and snuggling up close. She sniffs Beau and then sits up, looking curious. "You smell all clean and soapy, Beau. Did you just come back from a bath?"

Beau's shoulders tense. "Yeah? So what?"

" _Well...._ I'm wondering why you went and took a bath and came back to the room, you know? Did you not want to hang out with your lady friend? Make passionate declarations and fall asleep together?"

Beau sits up. "What does me sleeping with someone have to do with taking a bath?"

Jester shrugs. "I don't know. I just thought that was what you were supposed to do."

Beau stares at her and then she frowns. "Is this about those smutty books and how the characters--"

"No!" Jester immediately shouts, sitting up straighter too and frowning back at Beau. "I mean, of course not, Beau, I know everything there is to know about romance, you know."

Beau just looks at her and then she sighs. "Jester, it was just a one night thing, we're not lovers or anything," Beau's nose wrinkles at the word, "we're not gonna braid each other's hair and stay up all night talking."

Jester perks up. "Yeah, you're going to do that with me, instead!"

Beau falters, her breath shortening in a quick catch. Jester grins at her and Beau looks away because her heart is pounding too fast for her to deny herself.

***

Beau finds it difficult to look at Jester without wanting to kiss every inch of her face. It's becoming a problem. So far, Jester hasn't noticed, which is a blessing, but Beau would really fucking wish Nott would stop trying to set Jester and Fjord up. 

Nott is currently trying to serendipitously encourage Fjord and Jester to take first watch together by insinuating that Jester is an expert watchwoman (which she is) and that Fjord has to take first watch this night because he took last watch last time, or something. Her lying skills really need work. Fjord is unconcerned, shrugging and agreeing and oblivious, and Beau scowls at him too, knowing he's going along with it but not really seeing the way Jester's eyes light up or the way Nott's grin gets wider.

Beau doesn't realize she's grinding her teeth until Caleb touches her arm, grabbing her attention and ire as he raises his hands placatingly, his eyes curious. "Beauregard, you are currently pulling a Fjord with all that grinding."

"What." She snaps and then curses and looks away, annoyed at being caught out. "It's nothing."

"It is clearly something." He says, and his eyebrows raise. "I believed that your interest lay with Yasha but it seems I was wrong."

"What the fuck." 

He inclines his head. "I am pretty sure that your preferences have not changed since you last took a girl to bed, _ja_? That leaves Nott or Jester, and you are giving Nott the stink-eye."

Beau glances at the others, making sure they aren't paying attention as she sidles close to Caleb, grabbing his coat and holding on threateningly. "Say anything, and I'll make sure you can't walk for a week."

Caleb's eyebrows raise further, his expression a mix of amusement and apprehension. Beau feels instantly bad, which makes her feel like she's already failed one of Dairon's specific instructions not to get too close. She lets him down. "Sorry." She mutters, "I didn't mean that."

Caleb shakes out his coat, stepping back from her and giving them both space. He sighs. "I apologize for prying." He turns away, back to whatever the fuck he was doing before he was giving her lip, but he stops and glances at her out of the corner of his eye, "you should speak to Jester. I think she will surprise you. She is a very surprising individual."

Beau scowls after Caleb and his retreating figure, just as Jester taps on Beau's arm. "Beau? Whatcha looking at Caleb like that for?"

"He's an asshole, that's why." She growls, loudly at his back, and Caleb waves his hand in the air dismissively. She waves her hand back at him, looking at Jester. "See what I mean!?"

***

It becomes too much again, so Beau takes out another girl, this time one with dark hair and a twinkle in the eye and if her hair is a little too long and her cheeks too clear, Beau pretends not to notice as she kisses every inch of her skin. This time, when she gets back to their room, Jester is waiting for her, and she beams, bouncing on the comforter when Beau appears in the doorway.

"Welcome back!" She says, her grin too wide and Beau notices the slight way her hands are clenched.

"You okay, Jessie?"

"Of course! Why wouldn't I be?" Jester says, giggling and tilting her head, and the tension in the room that Beau hadn't even noticed was there is gone, as though banished by the will of Jester's smile. "Read to me?" She asks, holding out another smutty book and Beau grins at her and slides into bed.

***

Fjord catches Beau's wrist before she leaves the table, her eyes on the black-haired girl sitting in the booth across from the them. "Hey, can I talk to you a sec." He says, glancing at the girl and waving apologetically. She squints her eyes at him and then turns back to her drink, ignoring the table and Beau shoves back into her seat, scowling. 

"Great. You just ruined that. Thanks Fjord." She laments for a moment, about losing an opportunity but finds that she isn't all that bothered, really.

"Yeah, well, you've been going out at night a lot these last few days. One night ain't gonna hurt." He replies, sipping from his tankard. They are at a table by themselves, Caleb, Nott and Jester are crowded around their own, playing cards against a burly man who'd challenged Nott and Jester to a card game. They were obviously cheating, Beau knew them too well even if she couldn't see if they were or not, probably for the best that she can't, and she can see Caleb fiddling with his wire, so he's obviously a part of it. Yasha is lounging against the wall by the bar, talking with Caduceus who is sipping from his tea, still refusing to partake in alcohol. So Fjord had pulled Beau to their own table to sit and drink in comfortable silence, and Beau had taken the opportunity to make eyes at the cute girl on their right.

"What, Fjord?"

"Aren't you being a bit too..." he tries to awkwardly illustrate something with his hands, flushing a little and Beau scowls at him. 

"What the fuck are you trying to say?"

He raises his hands placatingly, "Sorry, I just... isn't this a bit sudden? I mean, it's all good if you have the urge every now and again, but usually you're more..." He winces, "discreet? Less in your face. I mean, last girl you took to bed you practically walked out with your arms swingin'."

Had they? Beau can't really remember, she'd been distracted by the play of light on Jester's face, making her skin stand out and her freckles even darker and more attractive. She'd been anxious to get out of the room before she did something stupid, like pull Jester from her chair and kiss her to the floor.

Fjord continues, "is there something goin' on that you want to talk to us about?" He looks uncomfortable as he says it, always awkward in the face of sex and deep conversation, and both of them together, what a combination. 

"No." Beau insists. "I'm just... letting off some steam."

"Okay." Fjord says. He hesitates and leans forward a little in his seat. "If you don't want to talk to me about it; I know you and Jester are real close like," he illustrates their closeness by locking his fingers together, smiling ruefully, "so you could talk to her instead of me, if that'll make you more comfortable?"  

 _Yeah, see, talking to Jester about this would be a huge fucking problem considering she's a part of the issue_. Beau thinks. "I'm fine." She says instead.

He still looks concerned which pisses Beau off a little but Fjord is one of the only people she feels comfortable talking to about intimate stuff--like her baby brother--so she does add, "this isn't going to impact anything with the group, alright? It's just me. I'm... sorting things out."          

"If you say so." Fjord says, sipping from his tankard and eyeing her with interest. She frowns back at him and he shrugs and looks away, leaving the conversation to die out. Beau is fucking relieved he doesn't push further.

 

That night she goes back up to their room, meeting Jester on the way there, and Jester turns to her with a surprised but delighted expression. "Beau! You're back! Did you not want to spend the night with that girl you liked?"

Beau pauses and raises an eyebrow, "You knew I was chatting up someone?"

Jester scoffs, but when Jester scoffs her nose wrinkles all cute and Beau finds it more adorable than insulting. "Of course, Beau! You were giving her the bedroom eyes that you do when you see someone pretty, like with Yasha, and Avantika and that one girl you slept with two days ago, and the other one yesterday and then tonight too."

Beau's mouth goes slack, "I--? You've noticed all those?"

Jester puts her hands on her hips, looking annoyed. "Of course! Why would I not?"

Something pleased circles in Beau's sternum, and she feels simultaneously horrified by it and elated. She tamps down on it forcefully, like closing her fist over her heart and strangling the feeling down and away. "Well, I'm here now. Want to finish reading that chapter we were on?"

Jester perks up. "Ooh! I need to tell you about how much gold Nott and I won tonight too! It was hilarious you are gonna love it!"

***

Beau starts paying more attention. When she does see a girl in the tavern she finds attractive, she glances at Jester to see if there is a reaction. A lot of the time Jester looks at her, their eyes meet, and she winks. Those are the nights Beau does take someone to bed. Other times, Jester doesn't notice her watching, and Beau gets a glimpse of her glaring at the girls and scribbling harshly in her notebook. Those nights, Beau doesn't take them to bed, instead she and Jester stay up all night talking, or reading.

Beau finds those nights with Jester more pleasurable than the nights of sex she has.

So she eventually stops those altogether too.

Jester is very pleased when Beau begins to spend more time with her, and Caleb gives her a thumbs up from behind Jester's back. Beau flips him the middle finger.

***

"How did you know you loved Yeza?" Beau asks Nott, the next chance they have some time alone. Nott looks confused by the topic but replies anyway.

"I didn't really. We were dared to kiss the first time, and he was so sweet about it that I think I fell in love with him for the way he treated me after that." Nott grows contemplative. "You know, I asked him to marry me."

Beau raises an eyebrow, "You did?"

Nott grins. "I know, right? I had to get really drunk first but I did it!" She looks proud. "Threw up a little right after I got all the words out but Yeza still said yes!"

Beau crosses her arms, smirking. "True love, huh?"

Nott nods her head emphatically. "Yep!" Then her eyes narrow. "Why did you ask?"

Beau squares her shoulders. "Was just curious."

Nott stares at her harder, eyes narrowing even further into beady yellow slits and Beau shrugs, hoping to look indifferent. "Anyway, thanks for the talk Nott."

She tries to slink away but Nott calls after her loudly, "Stop running from your feelings, Beau!" And Beau flips her the finger as she walks off. Seriously, those two, Nott and Caleb, needed to mind their own fucking business.

 ***

Without anyone to stave off her feelings, they grow rampant and invade her dreams. She starts dreaming about Jester's freckles and Jester's eyes and hair and her smiles and laughter and it's annoying, but it's also amazing too. But now that she's more or less accepted that she's just going to want her best friend, Beau has to accept that nothing will come of it. Because Jester is in love with Fjord.

***

"You're upset." Yasha corners her one day, a few days after Beau's come to the conclusion she and Jester won't be anything but best friends. "You're hurting."

Beau shrugs. "This political bullshit we have to deal with is stressful as fuck."

Yasha shakes her head, her mouth is soft and her eyes softer making her face ruggedly beautiful in contrast and Beau is reminded of a time when she had been hopelessly attracted to Yasha... until she'd found herself more interested in softer cheeks, and bigger eyes, and freckles on every surface. "No. This is something else." She reaches out a hand and awkwardly pats Beau's shoulder. Yasha very rarely initiates body contact, and so Beau is surprised by the gesture.

"This is a different matter. I was... in your shoes once." She says, solemnly, "a long time ago..." She looks down and away and gets quiet and Beau thinks of a name, _Zuala_ , and Yasha's _"I was a coward."_

"I think... you should try. For however long I had her... Zuala was the best thing that happened to me." Yasha finishes, smiling into the distance. There is something so vulnerable about Yasha's face that makes Beau uncomfortable but also wistful. She wants that, despite everything screaming inside of her against it.

"It's not so easy." Beau say instead, slipping out from under Yasha's hand.

"It never is." Yasha nods, agreeing.

***

"Jester..." Beau calls, right before they are about to go to bed. Jester is snuggled up beside her. They'd just finished reading another chapter, something sickly sweet with romance and love that had made Beau feel like her teeth was rotting even as she was devouring every inch of the page.

"Yes, Beau?" Jester calls back, her accent lilting high.

"How would you.... tell someone you loved them... if you were afraid that they don't love you back?"

Jester sits up, eyes a little wide. She gasps. "Beau! Are you in love with someone?"

Beau sits up too, defensive. "This is just a hypothetical."

Jester grins. "Okayyyyy. Well....." She taps her lips and thinks for a moment, "I think I would want to make a pretty big gesture, you know? So that I could show them how much I love them! Like..... painting something for them that they'll realllyy love, or maybe getting them all the gifts that they want! Or... I could just kiss them really passionately in the rain to convey how much they mean to me!"

Beau feels a little wild-eyed when she responds, "oh. Well... how about if you can't paint, and are pretty tight on gold, and it isn't raining outside?"

Jester bounces in her seat. "In that case maybe I'd just say, hey you, I love you so very much, you know? And do you love me back? Maybe? If you did that would be really cool." She grins. "Like that."

Beau breathes in and then out slowly, "okay, okay... uh," she grabs at her robes, the ones from the Cobalt Soul, and thinks about the symbol of Ioun that some of the monks carry on their person. Right about now she wishes she had one of those too.  _I know I don't really follow you or whatever, but I could really use some sort of divine luck or something, because otherwise I'm about to make the biggest fool of myself ever_. 

"So." She looks Jester in the eye, who is sitting up smiling innocently at her. Beau gulps. "Jester. Hey. Um. I love you very much," she struggles to get it out, wars with herself over it but finally pushes, knowing that it's do or die and if she doesn't do it now she won't do it ever, and then Jester and Fjord will get together and it'll be too late. "you know? And do you lovemebackmaybethatwouldbereallycool." The rest of the sentence runs together as she quickly forces the words out.

Jester's grin widens. "Of course I love you Beau! I love you so much!" She leaps forward and hugs her. "You're my best friend!"

Beau hugs her back but tenses when Jester says 'best friend.' She pulls away. "I mean, you're my best friend too but I meant... I meant as more than that. I meant as that I want--" Beau eyes flit about the room, looking for anything to stare at that isn't the dawning realization on Jester's face. Her eyes fall to the sprinkle of freckles across the bridge of Jester's cheek and she groans and gives up. "I want you so much. And god, I just want to kiss every one of your little freckles every chance I can get."

Jester stares, and then her entire face lights up. "Beau!"

Beau puts her face in her hands. "That was fucking embarrassing."

"Beauuu!" Jester shrieks again and then tackles Beau into the blankets, pressing a kiss to her mouth. Beau is too surprised to return it, until Jester sits back up over her, grinning like a maniac.

"Beau you are my best friend and I love you more than that too! Dummy. Of course I do!"

"But... Fjord?" Beau begins haltingly and Jester shakes her head.

"I loved him, I think," she pauses to think about it, "But it was different. I loved him really fast and because he was super cool and handsome and suave. But I love you because you always read the smutty books out loud because you know I like to hear it, even when your voice starts to hurt and get hoarse. And I love you because you are always really into my pranks and you let me paint on you when I'm bored, and you let Nugget sleep on the bed even though you said you don't like when he drools!"

"God, fuck, why didn't you say this before." Beau groans and grabs Jester around the waist, pressing her against the mattress and holding on tight. Jester laughs.

"Because you always give the girls you like the bedroom eyes! You don't look at me like that at all!"

"I look at you the way I look at you because I love you." Beau tells her, and the word comes out easy this time, and devoted, and Beau does what she has wanted to do ever since she first realized her feelings for Jester haven't been nearly so platonic: she kisses her freckles, enjoying the giggling laughter that begins to fill the air.

 


End file.
